Subsistence

Salamat

2011-01-01T17:04:00.003+08:00

Hello to 1-1-11.

Happy New Year to everyone!

Okay... I'm still here. In front of the PC. Well, what can I do? My work revolves around the PC.

I had a huge blast from 2010. Finally got off from a long roller coaster ride of a relationship.

... I don't really know if that's what I want. But during our time together, I'm confused. I don't know if I really want to spend my lifetime with her.

Getting confused... It only means that I don't love her 100%. Because if I do, I wouldn't have second thoughts.

Do I miss her? Yes I do. Only a hypocrite and a liar would say no.

Do I still want her? No. I want a new one. I need a new one. I'm not in a rush, but how I wish I would bump into someone...

No. I really like someone right now.

She's smart, down to earth, simple, kind, she also loves Naruto and the bonus is that she's so pretty.

*sighs*

I wish Lady Luck would shine upon me, to give me a chance with her.

Please oh please...

Si R

2010-09-10T07:16:00.002+08:00

Nakakatuwa minsan, di naman ako naghahanap ng magugustuhan nung isang araw o nung isang linggo o nung isang buwan.

Pero, bigla na lang, parang bulalakaw. Biglang lumitaw, wag lang sanang biglang maglalaho.

Nakita ko lang yung picture nya sa facebook. Sabi ko sa sarili ko... Ui! Ganda ah! :) Ma biro nga! Hehe!

Dun nagsimula ang isang bagay na hindi ko na mapigilan, hindi ko na matigilan at sa ayaw nya at gusto nya, ayokong pigilan.

May isang bagay lang ang hindi ko maintindihan.

Bakit kahit sobrang mainit ayaw mong sumilong, kahit ang lakas ng bagyo, ayaw mong pumasok muna at magpatuyo. Bakit di mo sya maiwan.

Naiiyak ako (take note naiiyak palang) kasi parang helpless ako, parang gusto kitang sampalin para magising.

Hindi nya kasi alam ang tunay mong halaga eh, parang kanta lang ng Parokya, Halaga.

Kantahin ko pa ba? Wag na... Wala din naman mangyayari, hindi ka rin naman makikinig eh.

Sana lang 1 time, magkaron ka ng lakas ng loob, para labanan sya.

Songs

2009-06-30T17:51:00.003+08:00

Why hello there world. :) I am now studying again. I plan on finishing this course and land a good job after.

I really want to chase and achieve my dreams. I want to have a well-off life with my future family. I want to give my future son and daughter the best education the best parenting and the best kid-life they deserve. That's the reason why I am striving now. I don't want to them to be like me who worked so hard just to get things and a little bit of luxury a normal kid should have.

I can see myself pampering my kids with whatever they want. Of course I won't spoil them. I will teach them how and what life is. I will also teach them that not everything is easily achieved. They should work hard for it. WELL NOT REALLY ^_^

So there. See you again for my next update. Not that there are readers of my blog.

Searching for a nice hotel

2009-06-26T11:48:00.002+08:00

My wife and I decided to go out on a vacation for like 4 days in Boracay. It’s one of the best spot here in the Philippines. The problem is the budget is a little low. We can’t stop the itch. We have to scratch it. We have to go to Boracay!
Now I, during my free time spent countless times looking for a bang for the buck hotel in Boracay and then suddenly in a TECHNOLOGY forum someone posted this GREAT website www.CompareHotel.com.my which searches the best, cheapest, nearest hotels in like seconds!

It helps you find the HOTEL that suits you, your budget and your taste, whatever you like. It also helps you book your stay with the travel site or with the hotel itself!

Another great thing about this site is that it has a sorting system/feature. It sorts out the hotels to your liking. Are you low on budget? Looking for a hotel with good reviews? How about the hotel that’s pretty popular? Or are you worrying about the distance to the nearest city? Good thing that Comparehotel.com.my has it! You’ll never worry about these kinds of headaches again.

Now I have mentioned about the website’s “REVIEW’s” option.
People or visitors from those hotels often leave reviews so that other people know what to expect. Good, Bad, Honest opinions are there. I’ve read it. This site is great since it saved me from the trouble of not knowing where to go and what should I expect from the place I am going in to.

After long hours of thinking, my wife and I decided to go to Turtle Inn Resort. The price per night is cheap and it has a lot of good reviews.

WHITE SANDS HERE I COME!

Sky Travel

2009-06-24T13:08:00.003+08:00

A lot of people still love traveling around the world. Personally I also love traveling. Thing is I don't have the money to spend and the luxury of time to do it.

Have you ever been to Malaysia, Thailand, Vietnam, Indonesia, Singapore, China, Australia, Myanmar, India, Macau, Laos, Cambodia, London, Phnom Penh, Tianjin etcetera etcetera?

Because there is this one site that gives you or helps you search the cheapest flight tickets and departure dates to where ever you want to go!

So what are you waiting for? Click the link below and go see the world now!

Airasiaplus.com

Sewing

2009-06-08T23:22:00.000+08:00

myLot User Profile

Satisfied

2009-06-07T22:58:00.004+08:00

Hah! I've bought myself a GeCube HD4850! :)

I've never felt satisfied like this before. Why? One goal down! :) You see, if you put your heart into it I am sure that every goal you set will be reachable. Anything can happen, anything is possible if you put your heart into it.

Here is a picture of my beloved Graphics Card:

Performance wise this card is what people call: Bang for the Buck. Because this card performs superb for its cheap price.

Normally if you have a good - monster card it will cost you a lot of money, but this card, this masterpiece "cardified" is the best there is in its price range.

Now the specs of this lovely card:

Ain't she nice? :)

Saving up

2009-06-05T21:29:00.002+08:00

Hey guys! What's up? I'm saving a lot lately. I want to upgrade my computer. I want to buy a new video card. Namely ATI 4850 I've read a lot of good reviews about that video card. Here's a sample picture of it.

This baby performs well and it has a distinct bright color when playing games. I've seen the pictures and personally tried it on my friend's computer. This thing rocks!

And by the way. I am changing this blog little by little, I will be posting reviews and articles about computers and anything under the sun. So feel free to drop by and post comments. Thanks! CIAO!

Slick

2009-01-24T16:38:00.006+08:00

Good day!

Welcome back to me. :)

Well.. I just had.. like... almost a year break?

Here's something new.

1. I'm working right now, and will continue to work while I study this summer.
2. I bought myself a desktop computer with my bloody hard earned money.
3. My girl and I thinks of settling down, yes were going steady. So much for the previous post eh? (Come on, it's almost a year)

Well.. It was one helluva ride for me :)

I was in Tagaytay, Baguio, Enchanted Kingdom... with my girl. So I think, or I feel our relationship is in a good situation now.

But thats not all. We have a couple of fights and the situation has changed. She's more down to earth now. She's the one that apologizes first. She's the one that comes to me first to say sorry. She's the one that cuddles me first and gives me a hug. She's the one that always says that i'm always angry at her.

Well it's not that i'm more dominant, it's more of like, she doesnt want to lose me because she loves me. I don't know if this is right though. I mean in a relationship, because they say it's give and take. Give and then Take.

I love her. I hope she really loves me too.

Self

2008-05-22T17:32:00.005+08:00

As more steps I walk in this world, as more roads I choose to take, I've become more and more perceptive.

My heart, broken and bruised. Have experienced a lot of things lately, It has not only beat a million times when I met someone, it has not just delivered blood to all my muscles and nerves, it has not just let oxygen and carbon dioxide come and go, It has also let, people, important people come and go. But you know what…? It is also an involuntary muscle, it beats and works without my consent, even if I don’t want to… And I just hate it. It just works, without my permission, even if I don’t want to… it lets people in… and out.

Sad thing huh? But that’s just how it is. That’s just how it works.. That is how it was designed.. To let people come and go, not worrying what that person would leave behind… Well.. It would be nice if that person leaves a pleasant thing, but what if it leaves a stain… an irremovable stain....

Hmmm an hour of sweet talk would be nice; id like to experience 60 minutes of happiness with you… may be a minute of smile would comfort my feeling of restlessness... From those 60 seconds of tranquility, I’m satisfied... With that, I can think more… much more clearly. And maybe… a second of silence… a moment... a peaceful moment... A hug and a kiss, would mean much to me...

Someone

2007-10-27T18:23:00.000+08:00

Ahh.. Long time no post.

It has been.. what? 7 months? I don't know and i don't give a damn.

Well... Nuthin's new 'round here. Still am, still here, still the lil' old silly me.

Lets see... i have had no serious relationships since last year... and i don't think ill be dating someone soon. It's hard to explain... i want to have someone beside me.. yet.. i don't have the time, money, will to date someone... erhm.. you know ? court someone.

Aaaand look... I'm already over "teen angst" period. I am no teener..

... i saw this girl in our school... she's cute. I wanted to approach her.. it's just that.. i have had no courage at that point.. or should i say.. i dont want to complicate things for me.. it is already complicated anyways... THAT'S IT! My grades are in chaos.. in havoc, in shambles, in ruins. I cant afford to date another girl just to complicate it more.. i have to study. I have my dreams.. i want to be rich. famous. on top of the food chain. Having a girlfriend will block my path...

Sakit ng ulo ko...

2007-02-03T14:26:00.000+08:00

Lagi na lang sumasakit ulo ko netong mga nakaraang buwan ah.. madalas sumasakit, as in talaga.

Sakit ng ulo ko palagi shiet!

Hayss.. tapos mejo lumalabo na rin paningin ko awww... hehehe..

Ehh yon.. basta masakit palagi.

Lalo na nung araw na nagpunta ako ng Megamall, para puntahan si _ _ _ eehehehe.

Sakit grabe ng ulo ko nun! da fak!

Spread the Haruhiism

2006-10-24T12:44:00.000+08:00

Since my girl had requested and im the boy that couldnt resist her puppy eyes =3

I'll try to be a little gheyer today than usual *winks*

LETS SPREAD THE HARUHIISM!

http://www.darkmirage.com/2006/10/12/the-haruhiism-time-capsule-project-part-iii/

Click the link above and follow the instructions there on how to spread the Haruhiism :D

Be quick earthlings! time is running out!

*waits for a kiss from meimei*

S

2006-10-22T15:54:00.000+08:00

What is with the S ?

Secret! hahahah!

---

Hmmm....

hmm....

I dont know if i should post this in public :P

So... i'll just keep it to myself haha.

It hurts so much.

Sober Thoughtfulness

2006-10-21T19:05:00.000+08:00

Gawd... 4 Hours without her seems like hell.

I miss you so much =(

It hurts...

I hate this feeling... >___________<

I wish it fades away.

It hurts... it fucking hurts..

I miss you...

=(

Sembreak and Randomness

2006-10-20T17:37:00.000+08:00

sigh :)

Somebody save me!!!!!

chuk pak kapow!

Goku vs Superman = Superman FTW!!!!!

=Ooooo

my worm grew longer! ;)

All the memories I have are beautiful in my mind,
But they don't feed the hunger deep inside my soul.
And tonight I thought,
I'd be just sitting in my sorrow.
And now I must wonder wonder why.
What did it really mean to you?
I just can't see it anymore!
I just can't see it anymore......
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ohhhhhhhhhhh.....

Ahahaha ^_____^ how's you ? ^___^ Nice hair btw ^_^ good luck ^___^ God Bless.

Hows it goin' pare? XD hmmm i dont know.. i wish i could talk to you, but then... theres this invisible wall... its hmm, well.. uhh .. nothing ^_^

I just want to know what have you been doing. I'm just curious, nothing more nothing less :)

*sigh*

Weee its sembreak

hmmm :'( well it was fun :D just fun lol

Ahahaha >.< i wish i didnt do that. LOL!

Bye for now guys :)

Be back if theres anything new.

:D

I'm growing tired of this! XD

Can i go back to when i was still in Grade School ?

I wish i was The Flash :D so that i can go back to GradeSchool and punch myself infinitely!

Soothe

2006-10-16T20:18:00.000+08:00

Hawak Kamay
Minsan madarama mo kay bigat ng problema
Minsan mahihirapan ka at masasabing “di ko makakaya”
Tumingin ka lang sa langit
Baka sakaling may masumpungan
Di kaya ako’y tawagin
Malalaman mong kahit kailan

Hawak-kamay
Di kita iiwan sa paglakbay
Dito sa mundong walang katiyakan
Hawak-kamay
Di kita bibitawan sa paglalakbay
Sa mundo ng kawalan

Minsan madarama mo
Ang mundo’y gumuho sa ilalim ng iyong mga paa
At ang agos ng problema’y tinatangay ka
Tumingin ka lang sa langit
Baka sakaling may masumpungan
Di kaya ako’y tawagin
Malalaman mong kahit kailan

Bridge:
Wag mong sabihin nag-iisa ka
Laging isipin meron kang kasama
Narito ako oh, Narito ako…

Sa mundo ng kawalan
Hawak-kamay, Hawak-kamay download
Sa mundo ng kawalan…

--

LSS =O

I really love the girl who told me about this song.. well uhh... i dont know... its soothing melody, really struck my insides. lol.

^_^

Hawak kamay? YEAH! :D

Sayang

2006-10-12T19:01:00.000+08:00

Ahehehe muntik ako masagasaan kanina ahaha..

XD sayang sana nasagasaan na lang ako.

Ewan ko, bat pla ako nagtatagalog ? di basta wag mo na lang pansinin hehe.

kanina kasi nakatungo ako nun habang naglalakad eh papatawid ako ng kalsada (o sige plus para sayo karsada ) karsa pala... dami ko kasi iniisip nun eh..

Ehhmmm nagpaalam ako sa mga kaklase ko na uuwi muna ako kasi wala naman klase.. tinatamad ako sumama sa kanila kasi wala, baka mapansin lang nila na may problema ako, asarin pa ako na basted sa lablayp LOL! di naman asa pa sila....

Ehhh ayun bumili muna pla ako burger bago ako lumabas... basta pag malungkot ka talaga mapapa bili ka ng pagkain para malibang... kaya madaming matabang malungkot eh... Ehh yun nga basta ang lungkot ko, hindi ako makapag patawa gaya ng ibang araw.

...napapansin na nila na wala akong ka kibo kibo... tanong nga saken nung naka upo ako sa silya dun sa Fire Exit nung dumating ako...

" Hoy ano nangyari sayo kahapon? "

ang sagot ko..

" Ha... ? "

Eh tanginang yun.. halos 12 inches lang ang layo ko sa kanya... wala talaga ako maisagot... hayss ewan ko ba.

Basta ayaw ko mabura ang image ko na "walang problema sa buhay" XD kaya umalis na lang ako kesa mahalata nila ^_^ ..

Panay tingin ko sa cellphone ko.. nag aantay ng reply... hmm kaso may mahalagang ginagawa yung inaantay ko kaya di ko sya masisisi at bakit ko naman sisisihin nag ta-trabaho kaya yung tao haha!

Eh so yun mga 9:00AM ? May film showin... aircon yung kwarto.. pwede pa naman pumasok so pumasok muna ako.. Alam nyo kung ano yung mga palabas?

PURO LOVE STORY! hayup! hahahaha!

Na miss ko tuloy sya bigla...

So ayun nanood muna ako malamig kasi sa kwarto, so masarap mag stay.. as usual maingay sila, hindi pa naman kasi nag sisimula yung official film showing mamaya pa mga 10:30AM daw... kaya ayun nakinuod muna kami... hmmm ehh yun nagkataon andun yung isa sa mga kaibigan namin na may kras sa isang kaklase namin ( naasar ako dun sa girl na yun kasi nakaka irita yung boses nya... ewan ko kung bakit mabait naman sya, di ko lang talaga trip yung boses nya pag nag sasalita hahaha saka... may naalala ako pag nakikita ko sya :)) )

Edi yun inasar namin... tawanan, pero di ako talaga makasabay sa asaran kasi hmmm ang bigat ng paa ko kamay ko mata ko bibig ko lahat magkaka sakit ata ako =))

Hmmm bali 10:00AM lumabas na kami ng room.. ako nagpaalam na bumaba na ako.. ay kami pala kasi sinamahan nila ako hanggang sa ground floor ng building... gamit yung mabahong elevator kasi may patay na daga dun mismo sa fan ng elevator.. ambahu!

So yun nasa quadrangle na kami.. ako nagpaalam na aalis na.. so nag stay na sila sa quadrangle at nanood na lang ng mga nagba basket ball.. hmm ako ayun.. naka tungo pa rin ... sabagay madalas naman na nakatungo ako pag naglalakad, pero iba yung tungo ko ngayon mejo ... pag may nabangga ako... wala ako pake, bumagsak ka jan bahala ka, mag away tayo kung gusto mo, hindi kita papalagan... gusto kong masaktan ngayon.

Malas ko lang wala akong nababangga... siguro makakapag pasaya lang ng araw ko ngayon ehh yung makita ko sya ^_^ ehh wala, wala talga ^_^

So yun nag alis na ako ng polo.. tas nilagay ko sa bag.. baka kasi madumihan.. saka nakakahiya yung butas ( galing sa plantsa nasunod ko kasi ) eh 1 lang polo ko ng school namin.. haha patapos na rin naman ang sem kaya di na ako bumili ng 1 pa...

Ska di ko alam baka huminto na naman ako ng pag aaral tapos mag k kolboy ako.

Lumabas na ako ng gate... eto na... nakatungo ako.. tumawid ako... biglang may...

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPP!!!!!!!!!

Malayo pa pala.. pero nag beep na sya.. di ko tiningnan... ewan ko gusto ko talaga masaktan ngayon.. gusto ko masagasaan tapos ma deadbol ako, para atleast wala na ako problema sa buhay diba ? mamatay ako kasama ng mga problema ko.

Eh yun sa kasamaang palad wala talagang gustong manakit saken. Ayaw ko naman magpatiwakal baka kasi mapunta ako sa impyerno haha... ayaw ko din maglaslas ng pulso, masakit kaya yun...!! ihhh! kakadiri! ... ouchie ouch ouch! saka mamya mabuhay ako ehhh sobrang sakit.. ayaw ko ng ganung klaseng saket... gusto ko yung sakit na galing sa suntok or sa bangga.

Eh yun.. wala pa rin text.. busy talaga sya ^_^

kakasabi lang nya kanina... so mejo ok na ako ngayon habang sinusulat ko tong post na to.

Nasa jeep ako... sumakay.. ayus nakasakay yung isa sa mga customer ko sa shop, tanung nya ako kung san ako galing.. gusto ko sana mag biro tapos sabihin ko... sa nanay ko! kaso wala talaga eh.. sigurado ako pag sinabi ko yun magtutunog korni.. kaya sinabi ko na lang galing ako iskul...

Tinanong ko sya kung saan sya nag t trabaho, sabi nya callboy daw sya... tas ako sabi ko sa sarili ko " ui ayus! " eehehe hiningi nya CP number ko baka daw kasi interesado ako magtrabaho bilang isang kolboy... ako naman natuwa hehehe ( kaso mas matutuwa ako kung chix siya heheh! )

Eh yun sino ba naman ako para hindi ibigay ang number ko ?

*Softdrinks Commercial: sprite commercial*

TAO LANG AKO!!!!!!!!

I LOVE YOU PIOLO!!!!!!!!

Edi binigay ko, tapos hiningi ko rin yung number nya... txt mate kami! hahaha!

Tas kwentuhan kami... kaso wala talaga ako gana makipag kwentuhan ngayon.. napasandal ako.. aun tulog! hahah!

Pag gising ko nasa Taytay na kami. Kinalabit nya ako kaya ako nagising, magpa para na pala sya. Nagpaalam ako sa kanya... hmm ako tulog ulet.. gusto ko pang matulog.. gusto ko pang mag byahe sa jeep... para maka kita ng tao.. sawang sawa na ako sa mga ichura ng mga tao dito.

Pag tingin ko sa bag ko... hiyehey! may txt sya ^_^

ayaw ko nga sabihin kung ano txt nya. mamatay kayo sa inggit dear readers! hahahah! behlat!

So.. uwi na ako. sarap ng ulam sinigang! pero mas masarap kung may gana akong kumain. konti lang nakain ko, tulog ako... gusto kong matulog.. pero ewan... pag mai idlip ako.. sumisikip dibdib ko... di ako makatulog.. bumangon na lang ako tapos naligo...

Habang nanonood ako ng Samurai X , nag text sya... tinanong nya ako... kung suko na ba ako?

Bigla kong nakadama ng kaba... bakit nya ako tatanungin ng ganun? sumusuko na ba sya?

Bakit ko sya isusuko? Bakit ko isusuko ang nag iisang tao na nasa puso ko? Bakit ko isusuko yung taong minamahal ko ng higit pa sa kahit kanino...? Bakit ko isusuko yung other half ko..?

Hindi kita iiwan kahit kelan.. hanggat alam ko na hindi mo rin ako iiwan..

Tumawag sya saken... napakasama pala ng araw nya... lalo akong nalungkot..

ASAN AKO NGAYON!? Andito ako sobrang layo sa kanya.. pano ko sya masasamahan sa mga oras na sobrang lungkot nya? anong silbe ako? walang kwenta!

Gustong gusto kong samahan ka ngayon para gumaan loob mo..

Kahit kumain pa ako ng basag na bote sige ga gawin ko... Basta sterylized ha.

Hayss hayaan mo na sila.. ganyan talaga.. sabi ko sa kanya.

Parehas kaming down ngayon.. di ko rin sya matulungan..

Sana nasagasaan na lang talaga ako.

Sayang =/

Sabi lang saken

2006-10-04T19:16:00.000+08:00

Ang lu lungkot daw ng mga post ko... wahhahah!

sabagay tama sya, mejo malulungkot nga yung mga nakaraang poste (post; wag ka na pumalag) ko...

Naman kasi eh...

Hmmm hehehe masyado na akong nagiging malungkotin dito sa aking blog... Eh hindi naman talaga.. kase masaya ako ngayon, natataon lang na puro kalungkutan yung naiisipan ko i-poste.

Napakasaya ko nga eh.. kasi alam mo yun ehehehe... wala na ako mahihiling pa! bukod sa daaan daang milyong piso =D sempre!! anu ka ba! hahahah!!! ikaw ayaw mo humiling nun ha!? ayaw mo!? ayaw!? sige akin na lang!

YEBAH!

Hmm *kamot ulo* naku patay na... kase feeling ko.. sya na lang lagi nasa isip ko, halos lahat ng ginagawa ko... alam mo yun? may kinalaman sya... ibig ko sabihin... tuwing may ga gawin ako.. para sa kanya yun. Di ko alam kung maganda yun o panget...

Kase baka isipin nya na... sa kanya na lang umiikot mundo ko hahaha! pero sabagay totoo naman. ^^;

Pinapasaya nya kase ako eh... kaya kelangan para masaya, mapasaya ko rin sya! oh dba bongga yun!!

Nakakatawa nga eh para akong tanga. Lagi ko na lang sya nakikita sa daan, ibig ko sabihin prang nakikita ko sya sa mga grupo ng tao kahit wala naman sya. Gutom lang siguro yun, wag naman sana obsesyon. wahaha!! Kakahiya sa kanya lawlx!

Hahayyy :D

Kung mababasa mo to.

May gusto ako sabihin.

Di ko na nasabi sa telepono o sa personal kasi alam ko mabubulol ako. Kaka bulol! hahaha! buyoy ako sa ganito eh.

MAHAL KITA!! LOL!!

=Oooo sa loob ng aking tiyan!

( higad yan, in english katerpilar, eh ang hirap kasi gawin ng paro-paro pag ga gamitin mo mga keys sa kibord eh... sige nga ikaw gawin mo! )

Hmm sa totoo lang noon, parang nagsasawa na ako magmahal eh...

Ibig ko sabihin yung sumugal sa isang relasyon na wala naman kasiguruhan na mananalo tayo o magtatagal hahaha...

Ayaw ko na kase masaktan eh... Pero ako si tanga, sige pa rin tumuloy ako...

Ewan ko ba kung ano nakain ko o nakita ko sayo... o baka naman may sinabi ka saken? pero kahit na wala ako pake...

Mahal kita eh... kaya ayun! eto tayo ngayon ^_^

at sana...

magkaganito... kase mahal kita.

Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad

2006-10-02T19:28:00.000+08:00

*Sighs*

PLEASE IF YOU DONT WANT TO SEE A GUY MUMBLING THEN STOP READING AFTER YOU READ THE "STOP".

S T O P

I think im the most useless piece of crap i've ever met.

Do you wanna know why...?

phuck..! I cant even help her, I cant even make her smile.

Whats wrong with me... I cant even say a word... I was... so sad... clowns feel sadness...

I'm sorry... i cant make you smile... I look pathetic

>.<

SHIT!!! Where is the old Joe!? I thought you can make everyone laugh!? where is it now!?

What happened!?

I'm worthless... I thought when youre with your special someone everythings gonna be fine.. he or she can make you smile no matter what... but.. why?!

why cant i make her!!

I'm totally depressed right now.

God please... help her.. i know that i can't anymore...

God.. please... punish me instead...

=Oooo

... putang inang yan..

Sanity goin' Insane

2006-10-01T18:09:00.000+08:00

Your element is Light: Innocent, beautiful, kind-hearted and pure. You are so sweet your almost angelic! You find joy in others happiness and cannot stand to see anyone in pain. You want to make everyone around you feel good about themselves and if someone is upset you can tend to become rather upset as well which means you are sympathetic and raise others above yourself. Being as kind and good-natured as you are people have most likely hurt you in the past but you pick yourself up every time. You may look fragile but you are stronger then most tend to see. Life is beautiful no matter how you look at it and you understand that people make mistakes. Not everyone is perfect. You try to see the good in the bad which is a talent few posses. Dont ever let anyone change you. You truly have a beautiful soul inside and a heart of gold.

--

Kind of bored right now.

I'm missing someone.

:)

=Oooo

--

Well... uh.. hi ?

Hmmm... Now I'm starting to hate the rain... No, no... I'm not mimicking someone. It is because for obvious reasons that... erhm.. nah.. I'll just keep it to myself.. hehehe

I still like the rain anyways.

Silly Ol' Storm

2006-09-29T10:33:00.000+08:00

Why.. Thank you..

Thanks for... giving us the oppurtunity to have a looooooooooooooooong talk yesterday. WHOLE DAY :)

Dont get me wrong though. It's... it's quite sad to see whats left of Manila and to the other cities and the slums... But hey... Will ranting help? Will sulking help?

come'on do something... :)

I'm overwhelmed, ...My ...My mind is still playing around of what yesterday had brought me.

Of what we talked about... Of what you told and promised me...

Thanks for staying with me... Thanks for listening.

Thanks for being there... Thankful for having you.

Thanks for the wonderful day yesterday. It's one of the best days of my life.

P.S. I'll try to open a lil more of myself =D

Sorry, i was SO captivated by your stories and all things about you i forgot to tell you mine. XDDD

=Oooo

<3

Starry Starry Night

2006-09-27T19:56:00.000+08:00

Lost the will to put any words in this post. Hmmm. I feel a void inside my chest.

Fralala. =D

Heres some excerpts from a song though.

Stars - Callalily

I’m saying i love you again
Are you listening
Open your eyes once again
Look at me crying

If only you could hear me
Shout your name
If only you could feel
My love again
The stars in the sky will
Never be the same
If only you were here

If only I had wings
So i can fly
I want to be with you
For all of time
My love for you
Will never die

S-ccentric

2006-09-21T17:47:00.000+08:00

Odd...

quite odd... nobody.. can understand me, no matter what i do... when i try to open up something... i irritate someone...

Guess i'm born this way.

But i wish someday, somehow... i can do it the right way...

My.. complaints.. :) but i guess its too late now... I dont know how i'll start...

I dont know how ...

Somber

2006-09-15T22:21:00.000+08:00

Its getting dark.. i can't see...

My old man told me something... its as if he's putting all responsibilities to me.

phuck!? what is he trying to say?

its has always been us! Me my mom and my brothers.

LOL!

=_=

Strange Relationship

2006-09-08T18:17:00.000+08:00

I love her, She Loves me... But she's with someone else.

WTF? ^^;

I'm missing you right now.. *sighs*

Hi.. what are you doing right now? =[

I miss you...

I love you...

Song of the Shooting Star

2006-09-05T00:48:00.000+08:00

Let me be your shoulder.
When you cant take the world yourself.
I will be your little partner.
To give you support and help.

Let me be your jester.
When mourning becomes a routine.
I will take away your sadness.
Till the frown becomes unseen.

Let me be your shelter.
When the white clouds begin to weep.
I will keep you safe and warm here.
The promise i swear to keep.

Significant Other

2006-08-31T19:12:00.000+08:00

I’m so happy really… now that I know that the feeling is mutual... I'm so damn happy

I like her. Really, I do… Yet I am afraid… Will this relationship work? Can we be truly happy? Can she…? Can I…? I mean… Will She…? Will I…? I’m afraid…

I don’t want to lose her as a friend… I’m really a moody guy, and I know sometime soon…. She’ll explode because of this.

I’ll say goodbye to a friend again. I hate that.

I’m so callous. I’m so scared of feeling that pain again. I don’t want to feel that again.

I’m scared I’m sorry…

I lied... to everyone else, especially to myself.

I lied to people, when I said that I only see her as a friend. Because deep inside… hiding deep inside are the words best describes what she is to me.

… I lied again… I’m really a clown… I smile when I weep…

I lied to myself into thinking that everything will be fine… It won’t … Everything is a mess…

I’m sorry… if I can’t trust anymore… this is not drama… this is not comedy… I’m so scared, that in time she’ll say goodbye to me. I’m afraid of losing what I have right now… I’m … really stupid.

Please forgive me. Please understand. It’s quite evident that I’m a jerk, saying these things to her.

… I can’t afford to lose her. To lose what we have right now.

I’m afraid that she’ll someday leave me… that someday we can’t understand each other anymore… I’m afraid of the pain.

Does she know that each time… each time that I am not talking to her, I’m thinking about her? Does she know how much I miss her every hour that I can’t hear anything from her?

I’m afraid that the hours that we do not talk… in time, turn into days…

I can’t take that. I can’t. I’m sorry.

When will this paranoia stop?

Can anyone help me? Can someone please give me the right words to cloud these things?

Please forgive me. Please understand.

I really want to be with her. But I don’t… I can’t… trust myself. I can’t trust myself that I’ll be the perfect guy for her and that I won’t make her cry. I’m untrusting… even to myself.

I’m callous. I’m stupid. I’m paranoid.

I chose to wait for her. I’m waiting till she is free. I’m waiting.

Especially when the time comes that I can trust again.

Sigh

2006-08-28T20:20:00.000+08:00

Have i been good? how about being bad?

They say that there is no good and bad in this world, or right or wrong. There is just two perspective and goals.

kinda cool huh?

Im not wise to say this kind of things but, ive read this somewhere... And i still think that this is right.

But then... what really is good ? what does it define... how bout being bad?

Being bad? you want that first? you sure? simple... Youll be bad if you look shameful and pathetic. Its as simple as that. Kind of an easy way to gain the reputation of Bad.

...It's when you fail to live up to the beliefs in your heart,
your own moral code. Those who fail to folow their own beliefs
should be ashamed to call themselves adults... ... That guy
always lived and fought for what he believed in...There was
nothin' he needed to be ashamed about... He was by far the
coolest person I've ever known.

Who knows!? im even bad myself!

How bout being good...? being on the right path ?

Easy.. there... now this is quite complicated.

Being good?

When you're lost in the darkness and feel like you're about
to slip down the easy path, stop what you're doing and face
your beliefs. Being good means never betraying those beliefs,
no matter what the circumstances.

What to think is up to you...but 'good' really does exist.
It's in your heart. It's okay to believe in it, and it's not
a mistake to do so either.

For example... Say you saw someone dive into the water, with
no regard for his own life, to save a drowning child. Wouldn't
you say that was something good? Or is putting your own life
in danger to rescue another, just an act of foolishness and
nothing more?

Although good and evil are hard to see and feel, that doesn't
mean they don't exist. And though it may be hard to discern, I
think the concept is a beautiful and precious thing.

Sentinel

2006-08-24T15:27:00.000+08:00

I'm confused... you know... my mind is in chaos.

I'm really really sure... she dont like me.

No matter what i'd do things'll never change, why am i like this? Why is it that everytime i fall... i fail... Do i really make you laugh hard, up there!? huh!?!? AM I ENTERTAINING YOU SO MUCH THAT YOU DONT WANT TO MAKE ME HAPPY!?

THEN DON'T FUCKING LET ME FALL COMPLETELY, I HATE THIS FEELING!

IM SO TIRED. But then again... I love it...

I know she can't be mine... I'm just a typical man, nothing more nothing less. There is nothing peculiar about me...

Who am i to you?

your Sentinel, I'll watch over you... I'll always be here...

If ever... if ever you and him are going steady... forget me, forget what I feel and who I was. I'll do the same... I can do the same... I'ts for your own happiness. You don't have to hide what you feel for him, cuddle him if you miss him so much.

You dont have to worry about me.

It pains me to see those but, I'm also happy. I'm happy because now you really know what you want or what you need. Dont mind me... Ive done this before... It wont be a problem the second time.

Don't mind what i'll feel, because, if it hurts... then i know i'm real. What i felt for you was real and I can love again. I will love again.

I'm sorry if im quite silent about my personal life... I dont want you to know my problems... I havent shared my problems to anyone else... and I think that i'll be fine this way.

All i ask is for you to love him completely, all i ask is to never cheat on him... Because the only thing that can tear me apart inside out right now... is my sacrifice be in vain.

That is all i ask of you.

Thank you for making me feel alive.

Sweet Sweet Sanity

2006-08-06T15:26:00.000+08:00

Dusk came… the chill of the freezing water was singing aloud… pouring in the faucet… I am ready to go to school… but my heart and mind is stuck… Good Morning My Princess… I wanted to tell you that… …Had a nice sleep? I had one… you were with me… in my dream.

Will it always be like that? Me and You… in my dreams…

Sing… I was singing in the bathroom, singing all my sorrow and pain, my anxiety… loneliness… I miss you.

The Sun came out, He said hello to me, Hello My Princess… Have you seen the Sun? Did he greet you? I’ll greet you if he didn’t.

Afternoon came, he was crying. But why is he crying? He’s helping me?

He’s helping me hide my tears. What a guy… Thanks. =]

But can you please make your tears a little warmer… I can feel the cold… I can feel your sorrow, and it amplifies mine…

Dawn… Dawn was blue… but suddenly changed into a confusing orange… it’s as if she’s excited… Or I am?

Is it because … it is almost the time I will sleep this agony again?

Is it almost the time that I will hug you in my dreams again?

No… Night is still waiting for me… Night will introduce me to a girl I really like.

He will let me talk to her, have a chance for silly conversations, He will let me exchange ideas and jokes to a girl of wonders.

Dawn… Dawn… thanks… you are the signal of a great friend named Night…

And Night… thank you… thank you for sheltering us… while I talk in awe.

While I converse in awe with the girl in my dreams.

Night was a bit fast. He was on a rush. ...Or is it, us?

It was 2 hours of endless chitchats... But then again? was it really 2 hours? I think it was only 3 minutes. Time cheated...

Alas... My Princess, you have to sleep... Goodnight!! my friend whispered, I'm sorry but i'm on a schedule, Sun will be here in 6 hours. So... you better prepare for another day, Give Sun a Hello, tell him its from me. Night whispered again. Sigh... ...Goodnight My Princess... Sweet Dreams...

Good Night.

S M I L E !!

2006-07-31T21:42:00.000+08:00

I'm smiling.

You do believe me right ? you don't !?

Well... I've told her what i feel, and... it was the most memorable night of my life.

I wasn't sure if what will be her reaction, but when i said to myself and to her that...

"After the next flash of lightning... ill tell the girl what i feel "

I was... ready for the inevitable, rejection.

But... but... BUT... omg i hate butts. =P

I didn't get any straight answers. The Only thing she said was... she said she was stunned.

She was surprised. And i too was surprised... because I don't know what to react to what she said.

Heh... but one thing is for sure... I was smiling... I was smiling because I finally got to say what I wanted. What I wanted to say for a long time.

But celebration is far from over. =] , I dont know if she likes me or not, but more or less... its the latter. *sighs*

But its not a matter of like and dislike... All I want is to make her happy... I want to know her more, I want to see her smile, laugh, be surprised again and again... even cry... or be scared... just... just .. just you know? to know her more, to know her fears, her anxieties... So that I can protect her from those unpleasant things.

You don't believe me ? You do !?

Well... I can wait, I really like her... no I love her... You see... I... I... I uhmm.. I always see her face in the crowd. I always think about her... Oh dear.. is this Obsession ? I hope not... I dont want her to be scared... Dont be scared...

I am so happy that I met you, and i'm Smiling right now.

You do ?

Shet

2006-07-26T00:02:00.000+08:00

Shit...

Ano ba tong na raramdaman ko… katangahan lang siguro to at kahinaan. Dapat di mo na lang pinansin, dapat di mo na lang binigyan ng importansya, yan tuloy ano problemado ka no ? Kita mo naman ang saya saya nila, tapos e extra ka ? wag na Joe =]

Pero oks na rin yung hindi nya nalaman yung totoo, atleast friends pa rin kami diba ?

Hirap neto… umiibig ako sa isang babae na meron nang may nag ma mayaring iba.

Naman kasi eh…

Bat pa ako napasok sa ganto…

Pero sabi ko nga sayo… ang sarap ng pakiramdam ko, parang ayaw ko nang matapos, pero... kelangan ko na putulin eh…

Hmmm…

Di ko alam kung tama tong ga gawin ko, pero kelangan ko talaga maging sigurado sa nararamdaman ko at isasabay ko na rin yung ideya na BAKA MAWALA YUNG NARARAMDAMAN KO PARA SAYO, para hindi magbago tingin mo saken kung saka sakali mang hindi mo tanggapin ang nararamdaman ko para sayo.

Pero alam mo... Masaya ako ... Hindi pala ... ...NAPAKA SAYA KO! nung nakilala kita at habang kausap kita... at tuwing masaya ka, mas masaya ako, Sobrang nalulungkot ako pag nakikita ko na malungkot ka, Di ko alam ga gawin ko para mapatawa lang kita, Kahit corny na Joke paparinig ko sayo para matawa ka lang eh, kahit sakin ka matawa OK lang yun... At kung kaya ko lang... kung kaya at OK lang, gusto ko alisin sa mundo yung mga bagay nagbibigay sayo ng kalungkutan.

Hayss... Ang Hirap... Hindi rin kasi ako sigurado kung magiging masaya ka... sa oras na makakasama mo ako... Pero nakasisiguro ako na pasasayahin kita ng buong puso, marami akong gustong sabihin sayo... pero di ko lang alam kung magugustuhan mo.

Onga pla... Dinaan ko na lang sa biro yung nararamdaman ko sayo. Sana kahit papaano nahalata mo.

Salamat sayo dahil, sa maikling panahon natuto akong magpigil muli ng mga nararamdaman, natutunan ko rin na hindi lahat ng bagay nadadaan sa dasal.

Buti na lang hindi ko pa inaamin sayo yung nararamdaman ko.

Slumber

2006-07-24T18:47:00.000+08:00

... Man... That was a long deep slumber…

It's been so long.

Have i told you that... I wish that...

I wish that.. ...I could kill myself, because... it’s hard, and it’s really fcking hard to tell the three magic words to the girl you really really like.

Isn’t it ironic? I’m a motor-mouth, but … what’s wrong with me? Am I really that afraid of rejection?

Joe... you chicken!

Just tell her!!

But… what if she sees me only as a friend?

Bah! Chickening out!?

…

Hey I thought you’re on my side?

I am. I just want to help _US_ …our situation… So go and tell her how you feel…

Look... my reputation is at stake here… if you are a chicken, then so will I!

----

Sighs… This is how my mind usually works… every now and then I argue with myself…

If you only knew… how I feel, who will I be in your world? A friend? A partner?

or… a stranger?

Those things have been running through my mind lately… and ofcourse... you.

I’ve been thinking of you… I was going past my limits because of you. I can’t help it; I just want to be with you…

I always wanted to make you smile… and I hope I’m doing a great job.

There is one thing I wanted to see…

I want to see…a bigger smile.

Steadfast Loyalty

2006-04-23T16:29:00.000+08:00

Where is your Loyalty ? Where does it lie ? To the Person or the Ideal ?

Me.. ?

But why... ? Why'd I ask ? Heh... because, I just wanted to know. I never.... I never expected myself to be under my cocky, stupid, funny leader.

But why did i became so devoted to be his subordinate ?

He was my friend... He's one of the greatest guys i've ever met... heh.. hell yeah... He's great alright.

The way he defend his mates in times of trouble... It was comforting, It was comforting that whenever or wherever we'd be in trouble, He'll be at our back.

Bold words came from his mouth too, " Kung may galit kayo sakin, wag nyong idamay ang guild ko at ang mga members ko, sakin kayo magalit wag sa kanila "

Was one of the greatest lines i heard from him.

We call ourselves stupid, Ranks never even mattered to us... there was this one time... when He was in trouble and i told my Leader to SHUT HIS MOUTH. One guy reacted and asked, why did i say that? What gave me the authority to PUT MY LEADERS MOUTH in SILENCE.

I never replied, i never answered his stupid question. Because he will never understand.

Leader was my friend, I never cared for ranks, I don't care if he was my leader or not, but he's in trouble.... yeah... making him shut his mouth will save him. I don't care if people see me as a disrespecting subordinate, wtf... who cares.. ? that was my friend in trouble, im not going to sit down and watch him get pummelled by words after words. I will interfere as long as leader is in trouble.

1 and a half years under him was.... Super.

His ideals ?

Bahh... it was crap.

Be the best there was and will ever be.

But i was loyal to it too.

There was nothing much to ideals, It was simple and straightforward. Who will get lost?

Those who does not have loyalty i guess.

I remain Loyal to ~d~ boss.

I'm loyal to him and his ideals.

They say that it was just a game, but for me... It was more, I found the greatest leader i ever met.

Sayonara

2006-01-19T17:02:00.000+08:00

I came accross many people whom i think... Live their lives... in their pasts. They kept talkin about theirs or my past... Sulking, saying, suggesting, things that i or he shouldve done. He shouldve done this, done that... endless discussions, but it will all lead to one thing, you cannot change your past. Now... that i came to that realization, actually... I realized it a long time ago. So i... tend not to talk about it, its not that i hate it. Its just that, there are alot of things to do than just sulk about your past, or terrible experiences, It'll just tear you apart, if it gets into you. There are alot. I promise, but hey... It's not bad to reminisce events... but talking about it again and again? whatever...

For all Sad words of tounge and pen, the saddest are these, It might have been.

That is true, its sad, when you remember things... that might have been good if it were'nt for some hindrance. It.... Is it gonna hurt...? ....alot.

As for me, the past isnt interesting anymore, past doesnt give me the thrill i long for the future, and the present, all they give me, are experience and reminders.

Dont quote me on this... I am not saying that, past is worthless, but, Its just that, i dont care for them and that is... my personal opinion... That it wont do me any good if i kept on living in the past.

Memories are nice, but theyre all that.

So What ?

2006-01-03T10:11:00.000+08:00

So... its 2006? what of it? 2004, 2005, 2006 ? Whats the difference? The last number? OH COME ON! THAT is STILL a Number. I hate numbers anyway. Everything is the same, I eat, work, sleep, play and have fun. There is no difference, it never had and never will.

And lastly, I am the silly old me, I still look at things, or events quite negatively, maybe, maybe because I wanted to be more careful, BUT! I gradually, think or see things possitively. Seeing things the negative way, may hurt you, you know?

Think possitively, it helps =)

Solemn

2005-11-22T10:11:00.000+08:00

What was the start of all this?
When did the cogs of fate begin to turn
Perhaps it is impossible to grasp that answer now
From deep within the flow of time.

But for a certainty back then,
We loved so many yet hated so much
We hurt others and were hurt ourselves

Yet even then, we ran like the wind.
Whilst our laughters echoed
Under cerulian skies.

Hmmm, maybe.... yeah maybe, maybe this is right, all the hardships, thick thorned paths... I am running into? Is the path, I always accidentally choose and I now understand, I wont get the answers now. I... i dont know what made me choose this and that, I dont know why it have to turn that bad and the things that is being stripped upon me. Im not quite sure... but, that poem, is right, for me that is. I wasn't all frowning.... but then, I was always.. like a Jester, wearing a smile, to hide those frowns away. I don't want my friends worry nor pity. I loved so many, and yes too, hated so much, hated things that always gets in my way... things that hinders me, things that forbid me to go the easy path. LAUUUUUGH about it, I ... I would always laught about it... that is... yeah, infront of my friends. =) . Now... I'm gonna wear... a real smile... ^_^ I promise. I'm gonna pant from a real laugh.

Things arent always that bad, My sacrifices wont be wasted... those thorns... those thorns, I ran into, walked into, tumbled down face first into, won't be in vain. I will take everything back, I'll soon hold all the cards. I know. Hmmm..... I will soon thank all those problems and trials.

Sentiment

2005-10-05T15:26:00.000+08:00

Dark and red the storm has come
Stealing light in stealth
No one cared how strong she was
And the pain that felt

I have nothing to do at the moment, and then suddenly i decided to write a poem uhmm... i don't know if that makes sense though.

Still waiting =)

I'll wait for the right time.

Then ill make the first move =) ... I've been thinking to make the move... when "that" time come. I dont want... i dont want any mistakes. I just ... well.... hope? that it will turn out good.

Solace

2005-09-16T13:09:00.000+08:00

Where are you Christmas - Faith Hill (from The Grinch who stole Christmas)

Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one

See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go
Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas
Fill your heart with love

... funny.. even though i dont believe in Christmas, this music touched me, yes, its not about the tinsel and toys.... but the love everyone shares... i just wish... everyday is Christmas .. ughh... you know? Everyone is happy. By the way... its funny that a comedy film made me realize that no one is alone.

I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away

Subsistence of a Substance

2005-09-07T08:49:00.000+08:00

Flying high, flying low
Flying everywhere i go
Running fast, running slow
can't escape the obtuse flow

So this must, put to stop
Before everything blows up
I expect, this will end
puzzles i; can't comprehend

I'm afraid, of its toll
and the big risks that befall
in contrary, it was fun
But alas! i must shun

I made that poem last time. *sighs*

Went to U.P. Diliman last Monday.... to escort a friend o' mine have a gig (back to the Lil' Ol' me a BodyGuard)

Well... that wasnt really my reason, really... i wanted to see her.

Lady Luck hadnt had the chance to smile upon me that day. Tough luck for me... heh...

Well.. i met a girl named Jean who's also part of the Band. AND OH MY GULAY! she has the sweetest voice i ever heard *giggles* (haha). Her voice is upto par with Kitchie (though im not sure haha) and we call her Kitchie too (hmmm coz she's also beautiful? maybe? who knows!).

I'd like to know more bout her, but.... something hinders me... Dont know what that is though.

Survival is Subsistence

2005-09-03T09:08:00.000+08:00

"I seldom took things for granted"

How i wish life was just like...

Microsoft Word.

I don't know, I... ai... I... would like to correct some things in my life.

I want to press CTRL+Z, after doing a.... ummm a... horrible mistake.

I would like to... edit things... honestly... everything. The way i see it... seems like, everything's a mistake. Every choice i choose is wrong.

How i wish someone creates an UNDO button for life, UNDO is enough...

Undo... so i can correct things.

If more is given, CTRL+C would be fine, and the CTRL+V, Hey i can copy a horrible thing in my life wherein i was not ready yet, and then paste it by the time i am ready.... and maybe re-arrange things, Great huh ?

I made another choice last time, I'll forget about her and quit hoping that someday she'll ever notice me. I just wish... i made the right choice.

I wish i studied harder back when i was in HighSchool, maybe she would've noticed me.

Where

is....

the

Restart Button.

Sublime

2005-08-30T12:12:00.000+08:00

Smile… under pressure… well… that’s kind of like me? I don’t know, I love to smile when under pressure too and when I am facing problems.

She’ll be my inspiration. I will aim for making her acknowledge me, if ever we meet. I want to impress her.

Sometimes, this thing helps a bit, maybe?

Summit ( Apotheosis )

2005-08-25T09:14:00.000+08:00

I'ts been a long time since i started playing Philippine Ragnarok Online, And it has been a long time since i stopped. I could still remember my first few days in that pile of shit, and that pile of shit brought and made me realize of who i am, That shit defined me and what i'm about. My friends introduced me to that game, at first i wasnt paying attention to how it should be played and what i should do to other players, since i was not planning to play this game for a looooong time, unfortunately, it made my eyes bleed ( j/k ).

I started off with a Mage named Vivi`` name inspired by Vivi from Final Fantasy IX, and oh i was a trashtalking n00b, me together with some HS friends killed off some monsters... hmmmm and ME was a "typo" ( i wasnt really leveling up/killing monsters but... chatting haha i was chatting to some other RO players and like cursing some others at the same time).

Days passed and i created a hunter named Dante`` (from Devil May Cry) i trained it hard so i'll be able to join famous guilds. I want my character to be famous... everybody wants to be famous.

Then came to my mind what i always wanted, i wanted to be recognized on my own, not with the help of others, i want to be acknowledged on my own.

I met -demidart- a guy from Davao, he's cocky, skilled, like me a trashtalker, he is recruiting members for his guild named Apotheosis... nice name huh?

Staying at Apotheosis wasn't that bad, i met new friends, and met alot, learned new things, learned alot.

I created a merchant named Ashley`` for vending purposes, but me and a friend of mine decided to make it a PureForger, and we leeched it all the way to the highest level known in Midgard.

After reaching the highest level i suddenly got bored playing R.O.

"Everything Ends" - demidart (Anthony)

like he always say, Everything ends.

I decided to stop playing p.R.O. and i Left bearing the Logo of Apotheosis.

I started as a member of Apotheosis, and i will stop as a member Apotheosis.

Apotheosis: The elevation of Humans to the rank of Gods.

Am i an Apotheosis? I can safely say, Yes, I have no equal, I am totally different from all other Ashley's out there, I am totally different from all other Joe's out there, may it be positive or negative =)

Submerge

2005-08-23T15:42:00.000+08:00

How exactly am I supposed to get close to her…? I mean how… Hi and Hello are too cliché… hmmm, I guess it won’t turn out good either… if I would drop a Hi or Hello. She likes somebody else… and… rejected good looking guys… as for me…I’d rather drop the subject…
So… what will I do now? Should I give up? Probably… I’m in no position to even approach her. I’d feel like a dog looking for his/her owner, being laughed at in a rejection. Rejection… I fear this… I fear being rejected… I don’t know how I will make things look funny if ever I get rejected… I guess I should decline in saying Hi to her, because. It will only lead to no good, and most probably to rejection.

I feel like i am underwater, i can't move freely, i can't breathe, i can't save myself. The question HOW, hinders me. How will i swim, how will i surface, how will i forget her.

I want to sink, but i dont want the water pressure destroy me.

Substance

2005-08-23T10:03:00.000+08:00

Perfectly clueless... I don’t know what to do... it gave me chills, and heh.. Funny... I can’t remove the smile upon my face… but... What should I do next? What am I supposed to do after that? I saw that she doesn’t have any plans on having a Boyfriend... Lucky me :) ... and it seems like even if I push through... Like... Court her? I know... I’ll only face rejection... heh... Sucks to be me... I like her... but... She seems so far away... Seems like she has this thousand good looking suitors with brains and I don’t have any place or room in her busy life.

Subsistence is Survival

2005-08-22T09:24:00.000+08:00

Yeah, Cool... Everything went well... Alright alright, maybe... Not too well, But it doesnt matter. As long as i survived, this chapter of my life.

I’ve been working for 2 years now, working… sounds cool? Think again, it maybe is.

Looking at the positive perspective it is, I’ve established a good amount of friends and trust, work experience, and I’ve learned how business works (maybe a little) how people think when faced with problems especially with money, and I matured OWW YES! IM SO HAPPY!

But hey I am cynical; I lost almost all my chances on having a normal KID life. I… I… And i tend to forgot things more often, I forgot things, I don’t know, it scares me? Yeah sometimes.

Start

2005-08-22T08:20:00.000+08:00

...?

......?

What do you think?